I know you all thought that the wedding of the year was Kate & William's.
Not so. For our family, it is that of my sister, this weekend, in tropical Rarotonga.
We all go tomorrow.
The girls are wildly excited.
Not only do they get to spend a week in the sun with their cousins, but they are all bridesmaids.
I am the matron of honour. My job is to calm the bride, & get her to the beach on time.
Except that she is making me wear the highest shoes I've ever seen in my life.They are not just high, they are stilts. I'm not sure that I can walk in them, let alone gather up the bride & her five bridesmaids average age 8, and, get us all to the wedding. (Yes, this being Rarotonga, apparently I may also have to be the driver.)
I've pleaded for a ballet flat, a lower heel, a jandal.
But my sister just reminds me of the outfit she was forced to wear when bridesmaid for me.
I have no comeback sadly. It was the eighties after all. (Think of 'The Wedding Singer', multiply those outfits, that hair and makeup by 10 and you still might not be close.)
Stilts it is.
Of course an island wedding means accelerated summer preparations.
Amongst everything, I forgot to book an appointment for a bikini wax.
Never mind said a friend. Ring up the beauty therapy school, and see if they can fit you in. I had my waxing done there yesterday, and it was brilliant.
So I ring up, and yes, I can dash across the road to see them at 11.30.
I get there, and am ushered in to a room full of people. It is like a hospital ward.
I'm starting to wonder if this is a good idea, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The therapist holds up a handtowel to give me some privacy while I undress. A handtowel!
Unfortunately I have quite tight skinny fit trousers on, and they don't want to come off easily. I feel sorry for the person in close proximity to me trying to have a relaxing massage, while I am bending over trying to get the trousers over my feet.
Isn't it great that it's 'dollar day' says the tutor.
I ask why my bikini wax will cost only a dollar.
Because it is the students first session she says. Their first time with a real client.
Does she see the panic in my eyes? I look around me.
There are facials and massages and manicures. A group beauty therapy session.
Not much waxing going on. Just me.
My poor student therapist looks nervous.
How does she think I feel!
I think positive thoughts - like thank goodness it is just a regular old bikini wax. Definitely not the time to go wild and have a Brazilian!
The tutor suggests a screen at the foot of the bed might be good.
I think so too.
There are some things that the poor lady opposite me just did not need to see.
And on with the wax...
As it turns out, my student was overly cautious and did a great job, and it truly was (relatively) painless.
And while I certainly felt that all eyes were 'down there' with much pointing and discussion, all's well that ends well.
I'm ready for sun, sand, & swimming. And a nervous bride.
See you next week!
(image with permission Designers Guild)