I'm worried about my Eva.
She is not herself.
A heart on her sleeve kind of girl, Eva always tells it like it is.
And usually at the top of her voice.
Especially where her parents and sister are concerned.
Quite dramatic - "sob sob 'my life is just so horrible' sob sob", to (five minutes later) "you have always been so warm hearted inside and out Mummy".
A romantic - she made the card in the photo for my brother's birthday.
The words on the back said 'we all stick together holdings hands in a line of people and love.'
Even the most staunch in our family (and there are a few) thought that was pretty special.
Her current aspirations to be a singer involve much time at the piano, writing, composing and playing her songs. This is great - except that it is all consuming.
I ask her to get in the shower.
I hear the piano.
She has forgotten her homework book.
I hear the piano.
Breakfast is uneaten, she's not ready for school, she's meant to be putting on her shoes.
She is at the piano - in her undies. Singing.
I spend my time yelling. Eva is still singing.
Her teacher thinks the alterations could be unsettling her. Maybe.
She has the focus of a newt. (My words, not his - I think he used the words 'bit of a diz' instead.)
She forgot her diary/homework/cross-country gear/you-name-it-she-forgets-it. Often.
She turned up to cross-country looking like a waif. The only one kitted out in whatever happened to be in her bag. Everyone else looking the part in athletic gear. The only one without a parent on the sideline, because she forgot to give us the notice. I know she looked like a waif because a friend kindly took a photo for me.
I cried when I saw it.
Of course, I blame myself. I am a bad parent.
I am obviously not spending enough time with her. That's what my own mum will say.
The dilemma of the working mother. Do all working mothers blame themselves?
I know when I go home each night the first thing I do is hug my girls tight.
Whatever I'm doing, it obviously isn't enough.
So sorry to vent! I'm not sure I'm even making sense.
Amanda xxPin It