I'm worried about my Eva.
She is not herself.
A heart on her sleeve kind of girl, Eva always tells it like it is.
And usually at the top of her voice.
Especially where her parents and sister are concerned.
Quite dramatic - "sob sob 'my life is just so horrible' sob sob", to (five minutes later) "you have always been so warm hearted inside and out Mummy".
A romantic - she made the card in the photo for my brother's birthday.
The words on the back said 'we all stick together holdings hands in a line of people and love.'
Even the most staunch in our family (and there are a few) thought that was pretty special.
Her current aspirations to be a singer involve much time at the piano, writing, composing and playing her songs. This is great - except that it is all consuming.
I ask her to get in the shower.
I hear the piano.
She has forgotten her homework book.
I hear the piano.
Breakfast is uneaten, she's not ready for school, she's meant to be putting on her shoes.
She is at the piano - in her undies. Singing.
I spend my time yelling. Eva is still singing.
Her teacher thinks the alterations could be unsettling her. Maybe.
She has the focus of a newt. (My words, not his - I think he used the words 'bit of a diz' instead.)
She forgot her diary/homework/cross-country gear/you-name-it-she-forgets-it. Often.
She turned up to cross-country looking like a waif. The only one kitted out in whatever happened to be in her bag. Everyone else looking the part in athletic gear. The only one without a parent on the sideline, because she forgot to give us the notice. I know she looked like a waif because a friend kindly took a photo for me.
I cried when I saw it.
Of course, I blame myself. I am a bad parent.
I am obviously not spending enough time with her. That's what my own mum will say.
The dilemma of the working mother. Do all working mothers blame themselves?
I know when I go home each night the first thing I do is hug my girls tight.
Whatever I'm doing, it obviously isn't enough.
So sorry to vent! I'm not sure I'm even making sense.
Any advice?
Amanda xx
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Oooh no Amanda, you're NOT a bad Mother, the very fact that you're so concerned shows what a good loving Mum you are. I'm sure shes just going through a little unsettled patch because her family routine is a bit unsettled with the reno, and there will naturally be a wee bit more tension in the household because of it all. Just you wait and see how she'll soon settle back to being the Eva you're used to. She seems to me a very creative little soul and highly tuned in to the people around her, and this sensitivity is perhaps making her a little perplexed right now. DONT WORRY, lots of hugs from Mummy sounds like good medicine. xx
ReplyDeleteFirstly be gentle with yourself Amanda and stop beating yourself up.I think Jan has hit the nail on the head about Eva and her being a sensitive soul and you all being unsettled with the reno. Things will settle down once they are completed. In the interim what about creating some new rituals for Eva, maybe have a mummy and Eva date....and then a mummy and Milly date.
ReplyDeleteHugs.....
Oh Amanda,
ReplyDeletePlease don't beat yourself up about this......take it from an old ( old being the operative word !!) hand at this. it's all par for the course. I think that your daughter sounds brilliant.....she seems to have so many strings to her bow, is talented,caring and unique.....and, I wonder where she got all of that from ? ..... I think we know !! .....and, I think that the most important sentence in your post is 'I know when I go home each night, the first thing I do is hug my girls tight'. That is the most important thing that you can do and they know that you are there for them and love them dearly. Your daughter is learning about herself and forming her character and she sounds great to me ..... and quite normal.....and very loved.
Please don't worry about her......she is just being a typical child, finding her way. I feel that Eva is a very intelligent and caring child who has many interests. If all of the successful people in life were to tell you what they were like as children I would bet that they were exactly like Eva.
I would also think that this is more of your worry than hers !
Much love Amanda and don't worry. It's all part of being a mum. XXXX
Amanda, don't forget to account for personality - some people are flighty and forgetful, and that's just how they are, especially if they are also artistic and imaginative. School gear doesn't matter, and individual elements of the day to day routine don't matter although the maintenance of the general whole does. Eva sounds like a great girl, who will go further and be happier than many of those who turn up obediently dressed in cross-country gear.
ReplyDeleteI was that girl forever forgetting notices, losing clothes, leaving squashed bananas in the bottom of my bag (too much info?) And it was not because my mother worked. Your Eva sounds lovely and spirited and disorganised... get her ticking off a chart or something, a list, a 'night-before ready-for-school' routine (when the renos are over).
ReplyDeleteFor now take the stick you are beating yourself up with and throw it away!!!
Hi.I'm new to your blog.I appreciate the honesty.Being a parent is dam tough sometimes.We all have times when our children go through challenging stages.It'a matter of holding on for the ride!.But we love them,waifs and all,and we are good mums(but only human!).
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog.
Well honey, as a mother with a 13 year old girl, I believe it's a face they go trough, and you are not a bad mother! Just do whatever it is you do and keep on hugging and talking to her. Playing the piano, making songs and music is an emotional thing to do, specially when you are so into it, so give it some time and love, and a hug for you, from me, you are such a nice person, thanks for sharing this, we all feel like this sometimes when our child seems unhappy, take it from a non working mama, that has nothing to do with it. Keep smiling Amanda,
ReplyDeleteMaureen xx
She's obviously an artistic girl and yhou can't stifle that. She marches to her own drum and unfortunately school encourage being drumming in unison.
ReplyDeleteWorking mums show our girls how to develop their dreams and be self sufficient. It's not the quantity but the quality.
What a lovely bunch of people delivering up a huge bouquet of caring wisdom and understanding. I hope you're feeling much more like the wonderful Mum that you are. x
ReplyDeleteOh Amanda - please don't be so hard on yourself - I am sure you're a wonderful mother! Working or not I think most mothers blame themselves - and unfairly so. Being a mother is HARD work - so instead of berating yourself you should be patting yourself on the back. And if it's any consolation just this morning I find my son sitting on his bed gazing into the middle distance (in socks and undies) when he should have been heading out the door :)
ReplyDeleteOh, Amanda. Give yourself an even break, Sweetheart! Life as a mum is hard enough without beating ourselves up about such things as well. You know me - I have my PND to prove that. It sounds to me that you're a fabulous mother - how many others would completely miss such things about their children altogether? Many, I think. Sending you a huge Hobart ♥ tonight. J x
ReplyDelete